Anniversary of a Tumor

Last evening I asked my husband what he wanted to do for his birthday this Friday and he just shook his head and said I don't know.  I got to thinking about his upcoming birthday and realized that next month will be one year since he had a seizure and brain surgery to remove a non-cancerous tumor.  How lucky we are that he is here to celebrate another birthday.  How lucky am I to have him here to complain to and about at times.  I still think about that day when he he had his seizure and how it could have been so much worse.  He had it at home, on the couch and not in a car driving or on his bike, which he JUST finished riding that day.

God was watching over him for sure and all through the ordeal.  I re-learned how powerful prayer is that month as well.  Friends were putting him on prayer lists at their churches, my facebook friends sent out prayer chains online and of course we had the support of family.  During that same time, my grandmother passed away as well so it was an extra stressful time as well. I wasn't able to help my mom with the funeral and her estate as my husband was having brain surgery.

I have been with my husband for over 31 years...married for 26 of them.  We have been together since we were 14...and still going strong.  I remember when he was having the seizure, I yelled to him that he wasn't allowed to leave me as we weren't done being together yet...and we aren't.

So - I turn 45 tomorrow.

I don't feel 45 so that's good.  I am in a pissy mood so not sure how or where this post will go.  It's not the birthday that has me pissy.  I am beginning to think that hubby's attitude about various things has changed and it's annoying as heck lately.  I wonder if it had anything to do with the tumor being removed.  Eh, anyway...why would you ask me the day before my birthday what I want? How long has he known me that he can't figure out what I want.  Shoot when I want something I say it.  It's not the gift..it's the thought process he goes through with it.  Along with the attitude comes the whole "why are you stressing" ordeal he asks me.  Well, I haven't changed, I have always worried and stressed...and he used to be the logical one and calm me down.  Lately he just gets annoyed.  OK I can be annoying but come on...the doctor tells you to wean off the meds...so he said one week two pills a day...then one week one pill a day.  Dr Hubby knows better...fours days two pills a day...and now one..and he plans on stopping Wed.  And he wants to know why I stress.  I'd like to call him a jerk but I won't.  Can't he see he makes me stress...if doing something, like taking your phone with you when you go for a walk will reduce my stress and his annoyance with me...then wouldn't you just do it?!  Why give me a hard time.  I can't reduce my stress if the things that stress me are still there. Sorry got off topic ....back to the gift or idea of one.  Maybe he already has something you say...nah.  He shops last minute for everything.  Always has unless it is a gift I need to get for someone from us both.  I am annoyed with him and I don't dare say anything for I will start to cry and get mad and so will he and I dont want a horrible start to my birthday.  So I just sit here and ramble on about it till I feel a bit better.

I can't even remember what he got me for my birthday last year...sad on my part.  I am just so frustrated with him lately and I don't know if it is just me or both of us or just him.  He isn't acting like the guy I knew a few months ago.  If it was the tumor then I need to adjust my attitude and deal with this.  So that is what I will try to do and talk to him too but not at this moment.