Teenage Battles

I watched an episode of Dr. Phil yesterday...rare that I do but I was folding laundry and put the TV on. He had this 17 yr. old on there from hell. She was horrible to EVERYONE, language, drugs, sex, threatening parents and others, BIG anger problem, OMG she made me angry and made me cry! Her parents were doing the best they could I suppose after YEARS of just GIVING IN to her to save fits, issues, problems, etc. Father is a cop and he more than anyone else should know what happens to teens who lead this kind of life and he was like "she is going to go missing one day and never come back" Daughter said and I quote "maybe that's what it will take for me to learn my lesson" OMG...I was like, yea last lesson you will learn! She turns 18 in 8 weeks so they can't legally kick her out till then. Dr. Phil wants to send her to some boot camp place and she was like NO not going to go. She did admit she has an anger problem and doesn't like that she can't control it. Phil told parents he will get a transporter to send her there as she was still underage and they parents had the say. They are sending here there...I sure hope it works. 

I had issues with my oldest from ages 10-15....it was horrible. She wanted out of the house – my heart broke at that thought but a few times I wanted her to go too - yet neither of us did anything about that. We argued, yelled and oh it was bad. She hated me, I didn't like her much. I never gave up on her. Anyway, we got through it and now we are close. When I watched this, I immediately with tears in my eyes sent a text to my girls (both were in class or I would have called) that said how much I loved them and how proud of them I was. 

Tell your kids often that you love them and how much they mean to you...they need to hear it even if they never say it to you.

And...Let the FUN begin!

When I left you last, I was preparing myself to go back to college after a 20 plus year absence and I was pretty much freaking out.  Well, I still am just not as much!  I have everything I need except a working webcam which I need to use to make two videos.  Mine will work on Skype but not on it's own...yea...great.  I tried everything my technical mind could think of and used the resources of the internet as well.  My computer background is pretty good too.  SO, I will do what I do in this situation and call my DAD!  He knows everything about anything!  I will most likely have to buy an external one though.  Sigh.  

I have a very full load to carry this semester and everyone thinks I can do this but me. Guess I need to get on the train with them, eh?!  Last night was my first night of class in the classroom (since all other classes are online) and I have to tell you I was pretty nervous almost to the point of wanting to throw up.  But as my wonderfully brilliant daughter (whom I called to get a pep talk from) told me, "if you puke now, that tuna salad sandwich you had for lunch will not be pretty the second time and you will stink. Not a good first impression, Mom."  TOLD you she was brilliant!  I did not throw up the tuna.  I went in to class and for an hour and 15 minutes I listened the Professor talk about World Lit and what she expected from us.  She was cool.  She had an accent from the Caribbean thrown in with a bit of British.  I have to tell you, I read the chapter we were to read AND if you were to ask me to tell you what I read, I would have to shoot you.  It was in one eye and forgotten.  The Professor made this subject come alive, fun and I wanted to read it like she was telling us about it.  Drama, Love, Soap Operas, etc.  I sure hope I can, that will help writing all those papers she wants us to do.  

Yes, when the hour was up I was breathing normal and left for home.  I have tons to do for all the classes and if I organize myself I can do this...yes I can.

Now, for my oldest daughter's advice (see this post for that blog)

• Bring either a bookbag or a purse, not both.   - Brought a purse
• bring mechanical pencils - forgot the pencil but had a pen (didn't need a pencil!)
• old people your age sit in the front because they can't see or hear well 
• best seat to sit in is the sides, 3rd row  - sat in the back as it was the only row available when I got there, 10 min early even!
• if you have classes with desks that have the arm desk you pull up...you're screwed because you're left handed.  bring your computer - sat at computer tables
• make friends fast because old people aren't usually picked for groups quickly unless the younger people like you - made a friend!
• you have an advantage because you know how to use technology...some old people don't - found this to be true with one of the younger ones there!

SO...there you have it, my first day of class.  I survived, I was fine, it will be OK.  Breathing again.  

Practice what you preach, MOM

I'm beginning to think I should rename this blog to "Life of a OLD College Student" because I think that is all I will be posting about the next few months.

I begin back to college Monday, well actually I did yesterday "unofficially" with the syllabus' and the pre-assignments to the assignments.  I think I bit off more than I can chew! What was I thinking with FOUR classes all online!  So much to do, so much thinking, writing, thinking, writing, and on and on it goes.  I felt nauseous when I saw all I had to do and the classes didn't even start.  I felt a little throw up in mouth as I read what was due the first week.  I panicked.  I freaked some.  I texted my daughter who just started college and told her I was gonna fail.  She told me to have positive thoughts.  I replied with "I'm positive I am going to fail."  She then told me all the things I told her when she was nervous, scared and wanted to puke.

You'll do fine
You can do it
You are smart
Organize
Make a schedule
Stick to it
Force yourself to NOT procrastinate like I do
Breathe

Yea, I forgot to breathe even while I was thinking of all the reasons I needed to drop classes.  I know she is right.  Even my older daughter told me some of the same things.

How do they do it?? Well I am going to find out.  I sat down in front of my laptop at the desk and for three hours:

I read 4 syllabus'
Introduced myself three times
took a orientation assessment 5 times (had to get a 100 on it to pass - kept getting 90's and 97's)
Printed documents out that I knew were on the site but wanted hard copies.
Made a list of things to buy
Made another list of what I need to do in class the first week
Did one assignment
Looked over at the thick World Lit book and frowned...yes I have to read a portion before class Tues.  This is my only hybrid class...
Breathed

Then I made dinner and poured a glass of red wine. Now, I am still overwhelmed, just not wanting puke.

Are you listening??

Well...................................wouldn't ya just know it...my girls taught me a lesson and they don't even know it. Practice what you preach! I tell them all the time when they get like I am now (overwhelmed, negative vibes galore, wanna puke feeling, etc) - You will be fine, make a schedule, positive thinking, it won't be easy but you can do it. 

I am giving myself 30 min on here and then I am going to sit down and take one class, one assignment at a time and make me a schedule. All day I have been giving myself excuses and things to do, grocery shop, cleaning, lunch with hubby . Valerie told me today, "You have to force yourself to stick to a schedule...don't be like your daughter and procrastinate." She was referring to herself. 

At least I know they "hear" what I tell them all these years!

Taking down the Tree and reliving the memories

It's time, again, to take Christmas and wrap it back up in the boxes until next time.  Our tree is filled with ornaments that were handmade or have sentimental value.  We also have an ornament for each year...we are missing a few but for the most part they are there. I have several that the girls made throughout their childhood and in girls scouts, each one reminding me of them at that particular age.  Others were made my mother when she was big into cross stitching on plastic canvas.  I also have quite a few that were my grandparents that hung on my parent's tree when I was I growing up...makes me remember the times with them.  Of course, there are new ones that we have acquired over the years and from gifts.  Each one has a memory and when I put them up I recall those memories and smile.

Today, when I was taking the ornaments off the tree I held each one and thought of all the memories they had and wondered if my girls would do that when they have homes and trees of their own. They don't seem interested in assisting in the decorating of the tree or house and when I remind them of an ornament, they tend to listen but their mind is not there.

Does their generation not care about the history of their family or the memories of it all?  Are they too into their technology to stop and think about the past?

I guess I am being sentimental today.  Heck, I have been that way since Valerie started college.  Empty nest is still in full swing.

Later this month, I will be taking on the task of clearing out some boxes of items that I saved from their school years.  Organizing them and protecting them a bit better than they are.  I guarantee I will be using some tissues and will be texting or calling the girls to say...Remember this....OR...I can't believe we saved this...

Reliving memories is what keeps our history alive...I hope my girls do the same to their families in the future.

Things I need to know about going back to college from my college Daughter

I was having dinner one evening with Jennifer when she let me know upfront what I am up against going back to college "at MY age."

• Bring either a bookbag or a purse, not both.
• bring mechanical pencils
• old people your age sit in the front because they can't see or hear well
• best seat to sit in is the sides, 3rd row
• if you have classes with desks that have the arm desk you pull up...you're screwed because you're left handed.  bring your computer
• make friends fast because old people aren't usually picked for groups quickly unless the younger people like you
• you have an advantage because you know how to use technology...some old people don't

Yea...Tell me why I am torturing myself....

An Ah-Ha moment in child rearing.

You have many throughout the life time of raising your children and some aren't as memorable as others. The books and the experts tell you about them and tell you how to deal with them and all the while you are saying, "oh my child isn't going to be act like that!" Haha..then we end up we egg on our face because at one point in time our children DO act like the books and experts tell you to expect.

One of my MANY and memorable came when my girls were teenagers and were fully enjoying their cell phones. I can recall this day almost perfectly...I can't remember the date but I can remember where each of us were sitting and doing. The girls were on the couch and I was ust coming back in from getting the mail. I had the cell phone bill in my hand. Now, our plan at that time - each girl had 250 texts each and we had a family plan of minutes and I allotted each of them 500 minutes. At this point in time, they didn't really call many people that weren't on our plan (or so was the case till this point.) For months they did well staying in the ranges. My policy was the same as the cell phone company...if you went over your texts, you would pay me 10 cents for each one over. If you went over your minutes, you paid me 35 cents for each minute
over. The penatly for not paying your bill was turning off the that feaure or even the phone untill payment was received.

The girls had no jobs but did get an allowance that included spending money. I gave them X amount of money each money and from that money X amount was lunch money, money from doing their assigned tasks at home and then spending money. The idea was (and it worked VERY well their entire teen years) that this was all you got for the month...you had one pass to ask me for extra if it was something important (example being a school function or a new book (reading is deemed very high in our house and I never have turned down buying them a book). They never abused the extra pass.

So back to this particular day, I opened my bill and hit the roof. It was almost $300! Now I have to tell you that the two months before each girl went over their texts by like 4 each and one went over their minutes by like 10. I gave them a warning each of those months and a "pass." I figured they would learn. HaHa...egg on my face! I told each girl what they owed me for this bill...and it was BIG for Jennifer. Not so much for Valerie, but it was still steep. Jennifer didn't care one bit and all she said was she would try harder not to. Ohhhh so not good enough. She proceeded to tell me that I always bluff with the threats and don't follow through with my punishments like I say I will. Ding Ding Ding...and let there be LIGHT! Oh yep indeed...the light bulb came on BRIGHTLY. I picked up my phone and dialed the cell company and had them turn off the phones temporarily. Now being smartasses the girls didn't believe me and laughed and went on with watching their TV show. I walked away to cool off and to start dinner. About 10 min later, I heard this scream of MOMMMMMMM why did you turn off my phone!!!!! I nearly choked from trying not to laugh of smile but said with the straightest face possible "you don't pay your bill, the service is gone, Pay your bill and it comes back on"

Fuming she walked away and didn't talk to me for two days. Valerie, my money hoarder paid her bill two days later and her phone was turned on. On the third day, Jennifer paid me half (she owed me $100) with money she was saving for some outfit and shoes for months now. Told me to take the rest of it out of her next months money. I did which was a week away. Her phone was then turned on. Since that day, I have no problems with them and their phones and I have had NO problems following through on any of my punishments....they didn't like it but they got the point and didn't argue.

I probably should have learned that lesson long before that but my girls are awesoome, responsible adults now so I didn't do too badly. Live and learn.

What was one of your Ah-Ha moments?

Empty Nesting

I am sure this Empty Nest thing will seem better as time goes on but for now, it isn't much fun on my part.

I guess the biggest thing is that she isn't just up those stairs and we can't just go and do the things we do together whenever we want to. They will now become more special when she does come home.

Walking into her room yesterday to see what kind of mess she left me (none, believe it or not!) I stood there and cried - figured I better get it all out LOL.

When I talked to her or text her over the weekend (a lot) she was settling in but I still worry for her because she is not a social person and I hope she can overcome that. She did say she met some people (all guys LOL) so that was a good thing. Two of her roommates already know each other and the third, has yet to be in the same room with them. Without a car, she is pretty much stuck to campus unless she makes friends with cars. She did say she wanted to get a job so maybe I can get Mark to give in to buy her a car now.

It is so weird with her not here.

People always say (and I have said it to others too) "Oh you can do so many things when the kids move out." Maybe so but besides running around the house naked all the time, there isn't much else I can do that I couldn't when she was here. She was very responsible so going on trips (the few that we did) without her was not major. Mark isn't a spur of the moment kind of guy so I don't see many trips in my future LOL. We never didn't do something just because we had kids. They went with us or stayed with friends.

I am one proud Mama, both my girls are awesome.

On another note, I was unable to get in for this semester and not for lack of trying. I know this college has a great rep but their customer service isn't 4 star by a long shot. I will be ready for Spring though.

Joys of Dorm Room shopping

Ok so, college dorm shopping this morning..and I was just starting to get used to the idea of not having to buy a ton of things because she had a traditional dorm (two in a room, bathroom down the hall). Well...she got an email saying she now has the apartment style dorms...wonderful for her...$$ for me. Her original idea of "I dont need anything" is now sounding like this "But it is what I want" - I about blew up on her over a duvet cover she "had" to have and no she did not get it. What the hell is a duvet cover? I thought it was a cover for a comforter or something...if so, how impractical for her!! I can't spend $25 on that and then $25 on a comforter because "It is what I want" - OY VEY

Conversations of the strange

My daughter and I have some strange conversations together.  At times, she is quick to save them in her phone for future use on her Tumblr blog.  I am glad I can be some source of inspiration (entertainment) for her.  So I thought I would share a couple of them.

Location - Kroger (yesterday)

Aisle - pasta and soup

Valerie proceeds to pick up two packages of Chili Ramen Noodles and it appears she is picking up a third (she has acid reflux so I try to limit her spicy intake)

Me: You better not be picking up three, two is enough.  If you do, I'll put one back

Val: Oh I'm shaking in my Keds now Mom

Me: Yea...darn tootin you are!

A few months ago:

Val: do you have friends?

Me: yep I've got all 10 seasons.

She laughed for a good long time with that one.

Graduation

It's official.  I have no children in high school.  I have two in college now.  The end of May was my youngest's high school graduation.  It was just one more milestone in our lives that was both joyous and bittersweet.  Both sets of grandparents came in for the event as well as friends.  There was a new dress, shoes, and cake invited to the day. Pictures galore were taken and by the end of the session the tired smiles appeared.  You know the ones..."hurry up and take the freakin picture" smile.  Those were mainly done by the graduate.

One thing I noticed with this daughter's graduation was the comments from my older daughter who on that very stage as her sister was walking across she did so three years  before that.  Her comments were sweet...something I wasn't expecting I guess.  I cried as I did three years ago and was so happy for my baby...who by the way graduated with honors (21st in her class of 369.) She looked beautiful but also very relieved to be done with high school.  I wonder if she knows college is school too!  hehehe.

You can say I graduated that day as well.  It sank in that she is going to be leaving the nest in two months.  Not that she won't still need me (and my money) but that she will have to make decisions as an adult and without permission of her parents in some cases (not with my money!) It sank in that I will not be able to call her and say "let's go to the movies" or "what do you want for dinner."  It also sank in that she won' t be a room away when I want to borrow a CD or need her help with something on the computer.   It occurred to me that I was being selfish.  Well. Yes. I. Am. I did after all bring her into this world.

Today she drove to the college she has been accepted for Freshman Orientation.  This, too, was another graduation.  You see, until today, she has never driven on the interstate alone.  Usually someone was in the car with her and it wasn't on I-75 that does straight through Atlanta, where there is rarely a good time to drive to.  We routed the drive, had GPS and Google maps printed.  She was confident and I was a wreck. Back in April, she drove us to the same college for a tour and almost killed us...for real, no exaggeration. She learned from that she said.  I still was a major train wreck.  I prayed and tried to let God take it all but you know what, a mom's worry just doesn't stop.  She got there safely and I thanked God.  Funny thing was the GPS took her on back roads and it was less traffic and about 20 min faster.  God's hand in that one I say.

So she will be there till tomorrow afternoon, where at that time I will again be a train wreck of worry till she is home safely.  We have texted a bit tonight and it seems to be going good.  She did say she got a crappy dorm room LOL.  I can't figure that out though, we were one of the first to apply for housing said the housing office and they assure her that she would get her first or second choice but had to put a third.  She got the third. She will check into that tomorrow.

Empty nest hit this afternoon when I realized when I got home from work, she was not going to be home. This is not unusual as she often has plans and such but it made me think - this is what it will be like when she leaves for college.  I didn't like it.  I will get used to it I know.  When the oldest left, I was relieved as our relationship was strained and it was a break we both needed. Now we are very close and I love it. I don't want to lose the closeness I have with youngest daughter.

This summer will be a summer of Graduations for me.  Gosh. I am growing up too. hahaha.

If you had children that left the nest, how did you deal with the empty nest feeling?

 

 

Parenting...never over.

Not that I am complaining because being a parent has to be one of the top things to be in this world.  I wouldn't trade that job for all the tea in China or all the gold in the world.  When you are handed that bundle of joy you are glued for life.  Good, bad, happy or sad...you are a parent for life.

You never get a break...a vacation...or even a moment that you aren't a parent.  Even when  you carve out time for yourself, does your mind really turn off from being a parent?

I hear sometimes that parents turn their backs on their children for whatever reason.  Really? How? Because even when I am so angry I couldn't possibly do that.

I don't even know wishing for a moment that I wasn't a parent would be fun.  I think it would suck.

All that being said.  I do get tired of being "Mom." There I said it.  It doesn't mean I don't want to be one, just exhausted.  Yet, just in the second it took to type that I am back to being Mom.

Life goes on...and I have two awesome daughters.